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To pounce or not to pounce: Should you date a younger man?

Madonna, Demi, Halle, J Lo, Kim/Samantha, Kourtney, even Sandra have done it and they’re famous for it alright. No, it’s not for having an easily recognizable first name. It’s for being an unabashed cougar. Not that there is anything wrong with this, mind you, but it’s unfortunate to say that these romances, no matter the feelings or intentions, are doomed to be May-December ones. It IS appealing though. It makes a woman feel really good when a younger man finds her attractive. It lights a fire, if you will, and is an excellent ego boost at a time when an excellent ego boost is highly desired and much needed.

Couple in Love
To pounce or not to pounce

So what is it? What is so appealing about a younger man?


First of all, a particular life milestone occurs in a younger man at about the same time it occurs in an older woman: sexual peak. This is fun, for lack of a better word, but there should be a giant red flag associated. Usually with a lot of really great sex comes intensified feelings of passion and lust which can easily be mistaken for feelings of true love. You are not in love with someone who calls you at 11:30 pm four nights a week for a delicious roll in the hay…no matter how delicious.


Sophia, 39 and our resident single gal from Huntersville, NC, has definitely noticed that her preference in men skews about 10 years younger. She has picked up on that “special bond” she has shared with multiple young ones over the years.


“I’ve been attracted to younger men my whole life and I ‘m pretty sure this why I am never married at 39. I have had a GREAT time dating younger fellas throughout the years but ultimately when it comes down to it, we have little in common that’s of any substance. This ‘intense bond’ that I’ve shared with each and every one of them is nothing more than a great physical relationship with a few laughs and a lot of drinks sprinkled in…cheers!


“I’m here to tell you: when you’re in your late 30s, a 20-something ‘good time’ clouds your mind and judgment. Yes, it strokes your ego and gives you an adrenaline boost but, please, is a 25-year-old going to propose a life-long commitment or marriage, leading to our happily forever after?” Sophia questions with a little thought. “Um, no. We’re definitely sitting on the same couch as far as the physical relationship goes but we’re 1000 miles apart in everything else. It won’t work, not ultimately.”


Next, younger men are definitely more carefree than their older counterparts. This is probably because they don’t have too many responsibilities just yet. They can make you laugh, make you do spontaneous things, and make you forget about your troubles. This is nice but, um, you’ve got bills to pay and laundry to do. You don’t have time to sit on the couch and watch “Cops” marathons all Saturday. Wait, “Real Housewives” marathons, yes…TruTV, no. As women age, it’s sad but true…there is a time and place for being carefree…and it has to be scheduled and planned prior to happening. Period.


Third on the list is a high concentration of passion. Boys will be boys, they say, and since they are actually still boys, they’re going to be excitable, hot-headed, and stubborn…ok, so that’s a lot of men but the younger they are, the more passionate they seem to be, in AND out of the bedroom. But, as with being carefree, there’s a time and a place for passion. You can’t fight with your younger beau at work nor can you sext during a meeting (well…) but, on the flip-side, passion does make you feel alive and you should give into sometimes. Putting yourself out there may not always get you the result you were looking for but at least you did it. Now, that’s living.


Lastly, a good portion of younger men are extremely attractive and fit, subscribing to the “GTL lifestyle” thanks to good ol’ MTV. Their priorities are looking good, as was everyone’s when they were in their 20s….bless. However, this puts intense pressure on a more mature woman to look her very best all the time and this…this is the ultimate in intense pressure. If you choose to date a younger man, this absolutely must be done because a woman certainly doesn’t want to be mistaken for her companion’s mother.


“I dated a guy once who worked at a retail store that caters to teens and younger 20-somethings…I was neither of those ages but he was,” recalls Sophia. “For whatever reason, I had to pick him up from work one day and I literally couldn’t find him because all the guys working there were built the same, dressed the same and had the same spiky, faux-hawk hairdo. I felt like I was picking up my child from a hipster party where all the kids were standing on the lawn and laughing at how dorky the parents were. I was humiliated.”


All perils aside, if you get a chance to have a fling with a younger man, do it! It’s fun, it makes you feel good, it’s light and fluffy but keep things in perspective and see it for what it is…a FLING…just enjoy it.


Of course, as with everything, there are exceptions to the rules. There are some older women/younger men romances that stand the test of time and hats off to those who defy the odds. However, if you are choosing to date younger men as a rule 24/7, you are likely to still be standing at the roulette wheel with no winnings. Think about that.




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