• PK

Don't keep a journal

I know what you’re thinking, “PK, it’s good to journal your feelings, your goals, notes about things that go on in your life. That’s ridiculous. Stop it.”

Hear me out: I recently had a memory pop up and I was interested to see what I wrote about it. I kept a journal from age 13 to my late 20s so I knew more detail about this flash had to be in there somewhere. I was excited to see what my younger self had written! As I turned the pages to find the event, I was absolutely horrified. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing: every page (EVERY PAGE) was filled with negativity and horrible hateful self-talk. I won’t get into the details but I mainly focused on how “fat” I was, how “stupid” I was and what a failure I was…at pretty much everything. When I found the memory I was looking for, I had only written, again, about how “fat” and unworthy I was…nothing about this wonderful memory I had. (It was wonderful, by the way.) This shook me. Badly. I continued to look through other journals and it was more of the same. It was disgusting…and confusing. I’ll stop there.

I don’t recall myself as a negative person outwardly. I was outgoing, up for fun, friendly…l think. Reading these pages makes me think I may have been a nightmare to be around. (Debbie Downer comes to mind.) Seriously, I’m shook.

I have had a good life…a very blessed and good life. I have had wonderful opportunities. I have amazing friends and family. I’m healthy. I have had ups and downs like everyone else. (Side Note: I’ve never been fat. I’m not stupid. I’m not a failure.) We all have our moments, I know. We all have self-doubt and insecurities. Nowadays, holy sh*t! It’s a minefield…with Instagram, Twitter, Facebook…all producing FOMO and SO MUCH negativity. EVERYONE is living a glamourous, healthy, picturesque, love-filled life, right?? And if you don’t put it on Instagram, it didn’t happen, right?? <eye roll>

It is important now more than ever to be your own go-to champion. YOU, first and foremost, have to be in YOUR corner. Life is different than it once was. There are so many opportunities that you can create yourself to allow yourself a happy, secure and contented life. There isn’t scarcity in opportunity, as some may lead you to believe, there is room for all of us! Your light does not have to be hidden by some insecure boss who isn’t living in this decade where life balance and strong work ethic can go hand-in-hand. You don’t have to be content to be in an unhappy relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated (no matter what that looks like to you; meaning no matter how small, if a slight is important to you, it’s important). You’re allowed to fight for yourself and what you’d like your life to look like.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to spend your day in negative thought, being negative towards others, etc… and be happy, at peace and content. Scientifically, it’s not possible. There are lots of articles written about this. Goog them, as my mom would say. If you exist in a negative space then that IS your reality. Period. The Law of Attraction is real.

So for 15+ years, on the daily, I wrote out all my negative thoughts and feelings (which I now feel are alive by the way; I literally won’t open the guest bedroom door right now because I feel like a monster is in there). I unwittingly put into practice a negative daily habit and even though I don’t practice it anymore, and haven’t for a long time, it explains a lot about who I am now.

I have thought quite a bit as to what my life would be like if I had spent those hours writing positive things, constructive things, lessons learned…details about all the wonderful things I’ve done! Would my path have been different? Would I have been treated the same by others? Would I have stood up for myself more? If I had been my biggest fan, would that have made a difference?

If you have a propensity towards negativity, do not keep a journal. Don’t give “life” to your insecurities by writing them down. I understand, writing is therapeutic and enjoyable for some. I LOVE to write, I get it. If it’s “in you”, do everything you can to pull the positive out of anything you feel you want to write about. If you can’t think of anything, write about what you are grateful for, make lists (of places to visit, life goals, TV shows to stream, top 10 lists). You could instead volunteer, spend time with the people who love you, embrace the things YOU love, practice self-care, listen to music, snuggle with your pet, etc...

You are the boss of your life. No matter where you’ve been, you deserve a great ending! The next time you get down on yourself, say this: Would I ever speak so negatively to a friend? Would you? No? Well, newsflash: YOU have to first be your own best friend, cheerleader, nurturer, health-care provider, etc… If you’re not doing that, I’m sorry but you need to get on it. It’s critical…but don’t take my word for it.

57 views0 comments